sooper sucky storieee
by www.Wrathchan.com
Summary: Everyone keeps disappearing. Whoo... This story sucks SO badly, I hate it, and I want to kill it. Also, I couldn't think of a title...SPOILERS! I wouldn't get my hopes up on an update anytime soon if I were you, which I'm not, but still....GOAH AWAY!
1. Chapter 1

Edward and Alphonse-the Start of an Evil Plot!

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"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!" Edward asked, infuriated.

"That's right, pipsqueak! Quit your griping, or your doing it yourself!" said an irritated Winry. "PIPSQUEAK! Why you---" Edward began. "Brother, just let her fix it so we can go to the market." Alphonse said to his brother, who had recently made a scene over the last thing Winry told him. _GOD! All I said was 'be careful with this one, you reckless goof ball!' WHAT'S SO BAD ABOUT THAT!_ Winry asked herself. "Honestly, Edward..." she said quietly. "Humph!" Ed shot. He looked down at his leg. "I apoligize, okay? Now please fix my leg." he demanded softly, pointing to his metal leg. Winry sighed, and began to fix his leg, as ordered. "I'm sorry, I just can't help but worry about you two." she said after a long silence. Ed looked up. "Huh? Oh, Winry, don't worry about us, we always make it out of things. Don't worry, kay?"

Winry's eyes grew teary. "But, Edward..." she said, finishing the repairs on his leg.

"No, buts, alright? We're fine, I don't want you to waste your life away worrying about us, Winry." Ed said. Winry nodded pathetically. "Alright, but still, be careful!" she said. "You're all set! Have fun at the market!" Ed stood, and wiped his hands on his jacket. "You got it!" Al and Ed ran off to the market they used to go to as children. Winry let them go, without worry.

Once the brothers arrived, Al looked a little upset. "I remember very few of these people." Edward looked up at him. "Oh, uhh, that's Nelly..." he said pointing to a girl with long brown hair, who was walking a cow (okay, wtf, but she was). "And, uhh...Huh? Al, are you alright?" Al's fists were clenched. "That's what Winry said." (Winry: OAH THAYT'S NELLLY:D) "Is it true? It's kinda sad having to ask about someone I probably once knew, but now..."

"What're you talking about, you're 100 Elric, and I'm sure Nelly will remember your voice if you go talk to her." Edward reassured him, knocking on his metal exterior. Alphonse looked through the crowd, but Nelly was gone (SHE'S A NINJA! HYA!). Al sighed. "I'll ask another time, we need to buy carrots for dinner! ...even though I can't eat anyt---"

"Al, it's okay...it must be hard for you, but please, just give me some time, and I'll bring you back to normal, I swear it!" Edward said, fists clenched. Al nodded. "Thank you brother." Edward smiled, and walked into the produce store to buy carrots. "Hey, Jack!" Ed said, just like when he was young. "Can we have about, uhh...12 carrots?"

Jack smirked an, almost evil, smirk. "Sure, Edward." he said, as he reached for carrots. "Uhh, they're in the back, so you'll have to go back and get them." he said. Edward always got veggies from the back, so he wasn't paranoid or anything like that. He cooly went to the back, and Al followed.

Winry was reading. She turned the page, and the ground shook. Winry dashed up, and looked out the window, seeing smoke. "ED! AL!" she screamed, as she jumped onto her bike and dashed to the source of the explosion. When Winry arrived, Al and Ed were unconcious. She looked up at the culprit! "WHY, JACK?" she screamed. Jack began laughing. "Jack? Wow, I really am good at this!" he said. "What do you mean, you're not making any sence!" Winry shot. Within a flash, Jack transformed. He went from being Jack, to an odd looking (man/woman? lol!) man, wearing black. He looked fairly young, actually. His hair was long, and green, and his skin was very pale.

"Wh-what are you?" Winry asked, crying. "Aww, sorry, but I'm afraid I can't tell you 'till your dead!" he said, throwing a small knife at her. It hit her in the arm. Winry's life flashed before her eyes, and she couldn't say a word or think. She stood frozen. Winry fell to her knees. Then, to the floor. The creature kicked the wall, and stones buried Winry's body. "Farewell..." it said, and dragged Edward and Alphonse off.

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Ayee! Poor things. OH COME ON! You gotta know who it is...unless, I have something new in store for you! BWAHHAH! Read and review...PLEASE!


	2. Mustang and Hawkeye

Mustang and Hawkeye--Next Victim!

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Colonel Roy Mustang walked into his office. "Ugg, I hate coming to work at six in the morning!" he shouted. "Can't SOMEBODY change the time!" he asked himself. "Hmm, Hawkeye's not here...WHO'S GONNA BRING ME MY COFFEE!" He shouted once again to himself. "I _am_ here, sir..." said a voice from the other side of the door. "You shut the door on me."

"Lieutenant Hawkeye! Come in with my coffee this instant! No coffee, no coming in!" he shouted. _Ayee, he's half awake...hmm, I'll wake him up!_ Riza thought to herself. "Sir, it spilled when you slammed the door in my face." Hawkeye calmly replied. "IT WHAT!"

"**It spilled!**" Riza said, harshly. "...sir"

"Humph!" Roy snorted. "Then go get me another, or I won't let you in!" A gunshot was heard, and a bullet flew through the door in less than a second after Roy said that. Roy slowly opened it, eyes wide. "Good morning, Lieutenant" Riza walked in and bowed. "Good morning sir..." she sat at her desk. Roy went to sit at his desk. Havoc walked in. "Ey, guys!" he said marrily. "Whoo! I just love sharing the same office!" he said. Roy's eyebrow twitched, and Riza sighed. "Do your paperwork, sir." Riza said cautiously. Roy sat and a 'humph' escaped.

There was an akward long silence, until Jean shifted around a bit. "I'm surprised, Havoc..." Roy said. "Huh?" Jean asked, startled by his words. "Well, it's nearly three and you haven't even reached for your cigarettes." Roy said, smirking. Riza rolled her eyes. "Oh, I'm, uhh...trying to quit." Havoc said. Roy looked surprised. "Really? Wow, I didn't think I'd ever see the day you would stop smoking." Roy said. "Well, uh, this chick I met wants me to quit, so..." Havoc said nervously. Hawkeye snorted, and Roy laughed.

Later that day, during lunch, Roy wandered to Havoc's table, leaving Riza alone at theirs. "Lieutenant Havoc. You haven't been acting yourself lately, and I demand the reason." Roy said. Jean nodded and stood. "Then follow me, and I'll tell you." Roy looked over to his table, and told Hawkeye he'd be right back. Riza nodded. When Roy and Jean were outside, they sat at a bench. "Havoc, is something the matter?" Roy asked. "Actually..." Jean began. "I forgot something very important in my car."

Roy laughed. "Oh! Your cigarettes!" he said. "Well, why didn't you say so?" Havoc shrugged. "I dunno, but, uhh...I needed your permission to go get them, considering I'm not even allowed to have them."

Mustang nodded. "Sure, here, I'll go get them..." Roy stood, and walked over to Havoc's car with his keys.

He unlocked the door, got in the car, and began searching for the cigarettes. "Havoc, they aren't in h---WHAT THE HELL!" the door was shut and locked.despite Roy having the keys, the door wouldn't open. "HAVOC! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU D---" Mustang gasped. "Y-you're not Havoc..." The last thing Roy saw, was a creature garbed in black clothing swing a baseball bat at him.

"He's been gone with Havoc all day..." Hawkeye said to herself alone in the office. "Where did he go?" she stood. "It's already seven, and I haven't heard a word about it since..." Riza gathered some paperwork. "It's time to go home anyway, I'm sure he'll be in tomorrow." With that, Riza headed out the door. When she got to the front, she heard a whisper. "Lieutenant Hawkeye..." Riza looked down the alley the voice was coming from. "Who's there!" Riza asked, reaching for her gun. "Calm down, Riza, it's me." said the voice. "Sir? Did you just call me Riza?" she asked. "So what if I did, work is over." Riza walked closer. It was Roy. "Sir, why weren't you at work all day?" she asked. "Jean needed help moving something, it was REAL heavy." Roy lied. "Oh...really?"

she said, eyebrow raised. Roy nodded. "Sorry if I had you worried, lieutenant." he said. Riza just shook her head. "No, don't worry about it."

"Actually, Hawkeye...I..."

"Hmm...?"

Roy shuffled around. "Well, uhh, you see..."

"Well?" Riza asked, impatiently. "Can you lean against the dumpster for a second?" Roy asked, pointing to it. "...Why...?" Hawkeye asked. "Because, uhh...I just wanted to see if the wall would fall. I'm actually looking for something I've lost in the dumpster, and I can't jump up that far." Roy said. "What're you looking for?" Riza asked. "One of my pins." Roy said, pointing to his uniform. "I think Breda played a trick on me, and threw it away. I can't have people thinking I'm the lieutenant colonel, now can I?" Riza sighed. "Okay." she said, leaning up against the dumpster. Roy leaned against it as well. "Okay on the count of three, push your back against it as hard as you can. Ready?" Roy asked. Riza nodded. "One..."

"Two..."

"Three!" the both pushed. Riza closed her eyes. Roy began laughing. "Huh? Tais--aaaaahhhh! WHAT THE--PUT ME DOWN!" Riza was slung around Roy's shoulder. "MUSTANG! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF----"

"Ah, shut up!" Roy said, throwing her into the dumpster. "Oh, you're gonna get it now!" Riza screamed, kicking her legs. "Quit squirming, and put your frickin' feet in!" said, not Roy, but a completely different person. "You! YOU'RE A HOMU--"

"Shut it, and get your feet in!" the creature screamed again. "NO! LET ME GO!" Riza kicked him. "Oof! That's it! You're pissing me off!" Before Riza could kick him again, he pushed her feet in, and closed the top. Riza's eyes widened. "NO!" she screamed. The dumpster was cold, and smelled of blood. Her foot was terribly scratched, and blood was beginning to drip onto her cheek. She began crying. "What's going on?" she cried. "Where am I going?"

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OH NO! Now we got ourselves a problem! Who is this 'mysterious' kidnapper, and where's he taking everyone? Why is he taking everyone? OOH! You'll have to find out! R&R PLEASE! NYA!


	3. The Plan Unfolds

Uh Oh-The Plan Unfolds!

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A hand popped out of the ground. "Raugh! Edward! Alphonse! Hang in there, I'm on my way." Winry pulled herself out of the pit she was buried in. "I won't die so easily! This isn't how it ends!" She stood. "I'm coming, Edward..." she ran off.

"Augh...where---H-huh!"

"Brother!"

"Al, are you alright!"

"Brother, I'm in pieces! Everywhere! I can't even see my own body!"

Edward gasped. "Alphonse...?"

"Yes brother?"

"I know where we are..." They were in a room, Edward's arm and leg missing, a curtain seperating them from the rest of the room. Still, Edward could see from under the curtain, the room was bright, and pink. "We're..." footsteps were heard. The curtain was pulled back. "Winry!" Edward shouted. "Thankl goodness you're here, I---"

"Can it!" Winry shouted. Ed's eyes grew wide. "Winry...what did you, forget about me and Al?" Winry laughed. "No, I could never forget..." She pulled out Edward's arm and leg. "...my two bestest friends..." Alphonse gasped. "Winry! What's gotten into you?" Ed screamed. "I don't exactly know, but it sure did feel great, taking Alphonse apart!"

Edward chuckled, tears in his eyes. "You're not Winry. The real Winry would never do or say anything like that."

Winry gasped. "I am too the real Winry!" Edward looked up, smirking. "Alright then..." Edward took a deep breath, and looked down, crying. Winry looked confused. "Brother?" Al asked.

"I will go down with this ship..." Edward sang, crying. There was a pause.

"And I won't put my hands up and surrender." Al sang. "There will be no white flag above my door." they sang in unison. Edward looked up at Winry. "You finish, just like we did when we were kids, right, Winry?"

Winry laughed. "Okay, okay, you got me...Winry isn't behind all this..." Winry morphed into the Colonel. "Mustang is! No...? How about, Hughes?" Roy morphed into Hughes. "Not Hughes? How about...the insane butcher!" transforming and morphing and changing! "You--you're that homunculus!" Al said. "Show your true form!" Edward demanded. "Okay, fine..." the thing transformed into... "uhh...I said your real form, not a palm tree."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLIN' A PALM TREE, SHRIMP!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLIN' A MOUSE-SO-SMALL-YO-FAT-MAMA-STEPPED-ON-HIM-AND-DI'INT-EVEN-KNOW-IT, HUH BITCH!" Edward screamed.

"Rrr!"

"Rrr!" they were face-to-face. Insulting one another. One was a palm tree, the other, an evil midget gnomelette. (gnomelettes o.0) Alphonse was sweatdropping.

"AHEM!" he snoughed. "Oh..."

"Right..."

"ANYWAY! I am Envy! Behold my power, fools!" Envy transformed into a kitten, then a tiger, then into Alphonse, then into Pinako. "I can fool anyone so blind!" he snorted as Edward. "Don't make me laugh, you don't act anything like me." Ed scowled. Evny's brow twitched. "I'm Edward Elric! I'm soooo short! Please don't step on me, or else I'll go crying to my little brother about how it's not fair how he's so much larger than me! WAAAH! Oh, I fell, oh! Now I'm crying! WAAAAH!"

"SHUT UP, PALM TREE!" Ed screamed. Envy changed back. "Yeah, whatever, now I'm gonna go torture the others, catcha later." Al tried to cock his head. He sighed. "The others?" Envy nodded. "Yes, the other gullible fools I tricked into my evil plan. There's two! A blonde, and the one she follows." With that, Envy left.

"A blonde, and the one she follows...hmm...OH! The colonel...oka--WAIT! Okay, it's alri--WAIT! Oh no! What's he got up his palm tree-branch-ish sleeves!" Al asked. Edward began laughing. "He's stupid." Edward sat up. "He left my arm and leg!" Alphonse smiled.

There was light..."Lieutenant?" ...mumbles... "Say something, Hawkeye!" ...more mumbles... "First Lieutenant Elizabeth Riza Hawkeye!" Roy screamed one last time. Some garbage shuffled around. Under all of the rubble and blood, Colonel Mustang heard a faint "Colonel, sir...I can't breath. There's blood everywhere. My leg...augh..." Roy's eyes grew wide. "Keep talking to me, I'm gonna get you outta here!" With that, Roy jumped into the dumpster. "Sir, just leave me and get out of this place."

"No! I can't do that! You were ALWAYS there for me, and I'm returning your loyalty."

"But, sir, you'll get killed." Hawkeye screamed softly. "Elizabeth! I am NOT going to let you throw your life away like this! I'm coming for you RIGHT NOW!" Roy swam further into the bloody tomb. Riza felt something grab her arm. "Sir?"

With all of the strenghth he had, Roy pulled Riza to the surface. He clenched the side of the dumpster, and hauled them over to it. "Hold on to me tight." Mustang ordered. Hawkeye nodded pathetically and put her arms around his waist. Roy pulled them up, and out of the dumpster. Gasping for breath, they hit the ground. "Thanks...Roy..." Hawkeye said. _Did she just call me Roy!_ Mustang thought to himself. Riza's eyes shut. "AWWW!" Said a voice from inside the dumpster. "Who are you!" Roy demanded. "You know me..." Said the voice. Then, Lieutenant Havoc jumped out. "Remember, I left you in that car, SIR!" said Havoc. "Remember?" Roy looked up. "You...yes, I remember escaping, you left in there, a pipe! A tool like that could easily smash a window! I got out with no problem." He smirked.

"Yes, that's true..." said Havoc. "But here's where it gets interesting..." Roy looked confused. "Huh?"

Jean smirked. "Let's just say...you left something important in the trunk..." There was laughing. Maniacal, really. Roy looked behind himself, and Hawkeye was gone. "Rrr! Damn it! What now! Where is she!" Roy shouted. "She was never there." said another voice. "That, my friend, that you just rescued, was a fake!" Roy turned around to the source. "Who the hell are you!" He screamed. "Well, do I friggin' LOOK human!"

"No...You must be a homunculus! Which one are you?"

"Please, allow me to introduce myself, I am Wrath, and me and Envy here have a wonderful plan which I'm afraid involves you and the lieutenant dead!"

Roy looked confused. "You? You're just a pipsqueak little kid."

Wrath's eyes narrowed. "I AM NOT A PIPSQUEAK! RAAAH!" The child homonculus ran over, and kneed Roy in the stomach. Havoc, changed into Envy. "Thanks for giving away my position!" he screamed. "Uhh, Envy! I'm so sorry!" Said Wrath. "Please forgive me!" Envy just sighed. "Whatever, I just wanted to torture him by actually thinking the other lieutenant was behind all this."

"You bastards! Where is Riza! I swear, I just pulled her out of the dumpster!"

Envy knelt down at Mustang. "Nope! You pulled out a fake!" Roy's eyes widened. "How can there be a FAKE!" Wrath laughed. "Amazing what you can do with alchemy, isn't it? All you need, is some ingredients of the person you're trying to replicate, and a bit of incomplete Philosopher's Stone!"

"So what you're saying is...that wasn't Lieutenant Hawkeye?"

Envy and Wrath nodded. "Pretty cool, huh?"

"NO! It's not cool! WHERE THE HELL IS SHE!" Roy screamed. "I told you, Colonel...you left something important in the trunk!" Envy said, smirking. Roy gasped. A tear streaked down his face. "Damn..." He whispered. He shot up, and ran to where he escaped from the car. "Lieutenant Hawkeye! Damn! Which car was it! All the windows are smashed!" He began screaming at the trunk of each car. "Damn it! She's running out of air, and I have no idea where she is!" He heard squealing. A perticular car was shaking up and down. "Elizabeth! Riza!" He ran to the car and banged on the trunk. "Riza, Are you in there!" He put his ear up to the trunk. "Let me out! I can't...I can't breath!" she coughed. Mustang tried to lift the trunk, but it was locked. "Damn! Hold on, Hawkeye!" he ran off to find something to pry her out with. He came back moments later with a pry (wow...niffy). He pulled down to open the trunk, but it still wouldn't open. "Grr!" he shouted, which echoed. He took the pry out. "There's only one thing left to do." he said. "Well...hurry and...do it..." Riza said, obviously running out of air. Roy nodded, and drew a transmutation circle on the trunk. "Please work, please work." he prayed aloud. He clapped, put his hands down, and the trunk of the car was crushed. He gasped. "Hawkeye? Did it crush you?"

"Hurry up and pry the damn thing open! It just got more crowded!" She screamed. True, now he could pry it open easier, but it was pressed against Riza now, and if he didn't pry it soon, her lungs would be crushed. He got the pry once more, and pushed down with all his strenghth. The trunk opened, and there lay Lieutenant Hawkeye, hands tied. "That son of a bitch..." said Roy, pulling Hawkeye out of the trunk. She was gasping for air.

"Holy shit!" she screamed. "Untie me now!" Roy nodded and did as he was commanded. "Riza, I--there was a fake." Roy explained. "It's alright. I'm just glad you got here before it was too late." she said, feeling her wrists. "I was put into this dumpster by that homunculus, and then, when I arrived here, another one carried me out, and took some of my blood in a jar. Then, it stuffed me into the trunk, I saw you, but I couldn't breath enough to say anything."

"It's alright. I'm sorry I didn't notice you were in the trunk." Said Mustang with much concern. "Don't worry about it. That little bastard took my gun, I need it back if we want to help the others." Hawkeye said. "The others?" Asked Roy. "Yea, on the way here, in that dumpster, I saw Edward and Alphonse being taken apart by a small child. He had two different colored skin. His arm and leg were sort of sunburned (I dunno how else to discribe it, and all my friends say that). I think, Roy, that it was another homunculus." Riza finished. Roy nodded. "It's possible. In that case, we've gotta get rid of it somehow. I refuse to be taken down by a palm tree and a pipsqueak. Just a question, Liuetenant."

"What is it?" Hawkeye questioned.

"Why do you think that none of the other homunculi are involved in this sceme?" Roy asked.

The lieutenant shook her head. "I have no idea, but if you recall, by Hughes' research, the homunculus Envy was the one who was reluctant to work with the others. Perhaps this is just him and the other homunculus' plan. Maybe they wanted the stone all to themselves. And if Envy wanted it himself, he could easily take down his new homunculus friend."

Roy nodded. "I see. Now let's go find Edward and Alphonse." Before either of them could get up, a scream was heard. It was Edward's scream. "Oh no! We'd better hurry!" said Riza. Roy nodded, and they were off.

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Now we know whaz goin' down! But how can it be helped? OH GOD! THE SUSPENCE! (not really) -stabs Envy...who is a palm tree- Uhh, R&R...


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